Pain in My Little Heart

Fresh Prince Cast

As I laid in my bed watching the series finale episode of The Fresh Prince of BelAir and it just made me think and cry.  The part when Will was telling Uncle Phil that he wanted to leave a different impression of himself than what he came with and all the love that was shown between the “family.”  I know real cheesy right, but I cried.  I was crying at first because I was like , damn soon that is going to be me moving out of my Mommy’s house and I will feel the same way.Not knowing whether to leave or stay or if I’m coming or going.  I will cross that bridge when I get to it!

Then I reverted back to last weekend and what happened with my mother.  Her initial set off was about  the lack of respect she feels she gets.  Then I realized that her rant went on to something else, which is a touchy subject because of past hurt and pain that I feel is still there.  She said that basically because my father and his sister are reaching out to me that I would basically show her little respect, which would never be true.  I love my mother so much, it can’t be put into words, in fact tears are streaming down my face as I think that I may not be able to share this new stage in my life with her.  That is if everyone follows through.  Now that I am grown I will have to open up to them also, it will be hard, but I think I owe that to myself and my future relationships and children. I can usually talk to her about anything, but I don’t know this time.  Pray for me yall, cause I’m gonna need it!

My father, me and My Mommy

Learning to Love/Emotional Wreck,

Flawful Angel

We have to Forgive

So I was watching one of my favorite shows last night, A Different World, I swear some of that show reminds me of my HIU..anyway.  It was the episode that Lena wrote that essay about her father but it was all a lie, but something was said by the professor that really had me thinking ,  since I feel as if I’m caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to my mother and “father.”

“Children begin by loving their parents, as they get older, they judge them and sometimes they forgive them.”~Lena James’ professor from A Different World..lol

I find this to be really true, because as we get older, we tend not to agree with everything said and done by our parents and some of that stuff even hurts us.  We say that we are over it, but we know that there is really no other way because they are going to be our parents regardless.  We have to forgive them and it may take a while, depending, but if that love is there, it will get done.