Feel Good Music-Ceelo Green ft. Melanie Fiona

I may be late, but I came across this song the other morning when I was listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.  Fool For You is just a song that I can put on repeat and just let it play.  Though there are times I don’t understand a thing Ceelo is saying, but hey, it is what it is.

Every Day Struggle Leads to Celebration…I Guess

Today is Mother’s Day and it’s definitely a special occasion, and it’s not one I mind celebrating. For the last almost 21 years, my mother has been superwoman, as most single mothers tend to be. She did what she had to do as a mother with little to no help from our fathers. As we get older and we mature and grow together, certain things that a child of a single mother sees his or her mother go through begins to take its toll on both parties.
Being a college student I continue to watch her struggle, possibly more than we ever have, and it hurts me more and more to just see her “do what she got to do” just to get by. I always remember this quote “One thing a black woman know how to do is make” but I just always wonder when will it end for her. I know sacrifices are a part of motherhood and she’s done more than her share of them. And for me, they don’t go unnoticed. I sit at my desk or on my bed at times and just think about how me being in this expensive school is helping to keep her in the same place she’s been for years. Whether she believes it or not, I sit at my desk wondering how I can help her…with no income (yeah that’s really gonna happen).
Mother’s Day is always descent for us, but I just want to know when it’s going to get better. When will Mother’s Day not be the only day she isn’t stressing about anything for more than a few hours at time? I graduate in a little over a year (May 13, 2012 to be exact) and I only hope that will be one less burden she will have to deal with. I continue to try and make myself a better person every day because of her. I work my behind off every day, especially while at school, keeping my grades, getting involved, and growing and maturing in fear that I will add on to the hurt and disappointment she’s endured. I NEVER want to disappoint her and I pray that I don’t. She’s done and gone through entirely too much raising two young women in this day and time to hold her head down in shame because one of her girls has disappointed her.
One day. One day. That’s all I can say.

Happy Mother’s Day

Hi guys.

Today is a special day, especially for the mothers. I am surrounded by women, who are wonderful mothers in their own ways. I have my grandmother, Odessa Strawbridge, my mother, Lisa Strawbridge and my aunt or “Aunie”, Tonyia Strawbridge-Skinner. Though these are not the only ones, these are the ones I remember being there ALL the time. Mother’s Day is a special occasion which, every Real mother should enjoy. I hope you have/had a great day.

Me and my Mommy

It’s Only Right When You’re Smiling on the Inside

Just when you think you are over something or almost over it, life throws a curve ball that knocks the plastered smile off your face and lies out of your mouth. Though I knew this before, it only takes something small to really make you open your eyes and stop lying to yourself. As a young black woman it is easy for to push it to the back of my mind and try to move on with my life. It’s what we are taught even if our mothers tell us to do something different. We watch them do this all of our lives and honestly I think it’s ONE of the worst things that is passed down from generation to generation.

Keeping everything to yourself until you are on the brink of internal destruction is not healthy for you Nor is it healthy for your relationships. Doing this has left me feeling like an outsider and not feeling as close to my family and especially my friends like I know I can. I knew it wasn’t over when I had a dream about a big spider the other day and I told my friend Janee and of course we looked up and the first thing she said “You feel left out” and I do. I never say anything because I know it’s me and what I’m fighting with on the inside. Not being as close to some as you wish to be or as close as you thought you were, but it’s because of my PPF. Pride, Pain and Fear. It’s almost like I don’t want anyone to really find out who the real me  is because of fear. My pride won’t allow me show my weaknesses and though most of us may look at this as being fine, it isn’t. It leaves those around you baffled as to who you really are and not knowing how to help you or how to love to you. I realized and most have to realize that you are cutting your blessings and your love off. Everything happens for a reason and it doesn’t just happen to you. Everyone has to realize that he or she is NEVER the only one going through any situation. It is up to you to set your standards and the pace of your life.

Moving on from your past pain means it no longer has power over you. That person or that situation no longer makes your blood boil, you can look at them without automatically becoming disgusted in his or her presence. If you lacked anything previously, don’t allow the pain to take over your life, don’t let your the pride to block your blessings and the the fear to hold you hostage in your own life.

Don’t let this be you!

For My Grandma. Happy 69th Birthday My Love!

My Grandma. A rare and special breed that everyone happens to love no matter how it is they may meet. She blesses me with her presence each and everyday. Whether she is there physically or through her spirit, I know that she always around..or at least a phone call away; especially these days. It can be her sweet spirit or demeanor or her nosy nature, but I know one thing for sure. One can’t help but to love this Southern woman of “Finer Womanhood” with all your being.
Always doing what a grandma is supposed to do. She spoils all of her grands, but being the oldest, I can definitely say we have a special relationship. From Maryland to South Carolina to Atlanta to Kentucky, she was traveling buddy. I even went to school with her my first few years. She is one of the reasons I learned what a real teacher was. Some of her students still contact me on Facebook to see how their Mrs. Strawbridge is doing. (She taught 3rd grade). I won’t give it all away because next year is the big 70, but Grandma, because I know she is going to read this, have a Happy Birthday with many, many more to come!!

My Love is Tired

Our backs turned to one another, lightly breathing in and out, bouncing off the walls. You’ve done it again. Leaving me wondering where you are. Yet you are here, with me. Your presence not meaning anything.

My tears have stained every ounce of us. My body surprisingly left in tact despite everything you did to me. Your fists and your feet bruised and broke that muscle as your sharp-cutting insults pierce every wound ever created by you. Every time your mouth opens, another punch connects to my stomach throwing me over, bellowing for peace.

No longer wanting your love, because it is the very killing of my heart. No longer wanting to want to love because it has taken the very breath from my soul. Love is what brought me to you so deeply, embedding my soul in your heart.

Your love is what I have to let go with it no longer being good for me, you see? It no longer feels good nor does it feel right. Your love is painful and forced upon the sweet caramel essence that was once me. Your love restricted and beat me into a pulp, terrified to look at anything but your back.

I turn to face you as your breathing becomes heavier, not knowing what I will face.

For the first time, I see who you are. You don’t deserve what was gifted to you with an uninhibited passion and a canary-colored love. You are the actual emotionless Beast, Beauty thought she had. You are no longer detrimental to my everyday being and a life that was almost cut short.
You are my Past!

Sorry again guys!!

I know I haven’t posted in maybe two weeks and that is something I am trying to fix. As you can see I am trying something new with posting my poetry. I started this because eventually I would like to publish this stuff and what I’m publishing on here is not all I have. I just like to post the stuff that won’t make the church folk blush (if you what I mean). I cannot say enough please comment. comment, comment. Tell me stuff that you want to see on here. Remember the blog is called Free Expression, meaning that it is not limited to any particular subject. I talk about what I want and I talk about it the way I want.

Is it Me?

Looking into the mirror and I see something different.
My hazel reflections no longer look so dull. My skin has that
youthful glow and I am in growth. It’s strange to me.
No longer walking around with my head down, thinking
no one wants me around. I walk tall with my back
straight and my head back in the clouds. I smile
a little easier, laugh a little louder and harder. I
hold nothing back, I give all of me.

My time in what we call life, has created what
some perceive to be a monster, but what is me.
When did this happen? Who knows, but I love
it so much more.

My spirit as contagious as a newborn baby. My
dreams no longer inhibited by the pain cause by
my daily struggles. I accept the things I can tolerate,
but can’t change. I am becoming me.

To My Granddaddy…Happy 70th Birthday!

Me and Granddad (Day of Graduation)

Granddad, it’s hard to believe that you are 70 years-old, but I unfortunately know it’s true! Born November 10, 1940, so we have no other choice but to believe it. My grandfather is a special man. In my 20 years on this earth, he has done things that a Grandfather shouldn’t have to do. His job was to spoil me and give me thing things that my mother thought I didn’t need (which he did), but he also took on the role of a father. Not only in my life, but in my little sister’s as well. Though we struggled with not having our fathers around, Joseph Strawbridge’s strong presence made up for it most of the time. So many memories come to mind as I am writing this because though he is a tough man, he loves his family and especially his grandchildren.

Through the years, especially the 14 I lived under his roof, I could remember going to prayer meeting every Wednesday in the back of his white Ford pick-up, even on cold evenings. Afterwards we would go to McDonald’s only for him to yell at the people about not filling up his super-sized fries and his coke with no ice. For the longest time those people knew who we were when we walked in the McDonald’s. They didn’t even have to ask what we were in there for and this was when we weren’t with him. It was always “You related to Elder Strawbridge?” as we put our heads down in shame, only to laugh. Mallory, you remember these days. Those were good days when I really had no worry, because if it wasn’t my Mommy, Grandma or Aunts giving me what I needed, I knew that Granddad would have me. Even when it was something he didn’t agree with. (He’s old school y’all, so you can only imagine.)

Then there was eighth grade year when I was a part of Rose Court and he was the one to escort me in my cotillion. (Though he wouldn’t do the dance, as much as I begged him) I laughed at it, even then, because I knew he wouldn’t do, but they always taught me that the worst answer I could get was “No.” I was always glad that he did that as well as came to things like Grandparents day, because then I never felt the void that I should have. I even laugh at the time when I tried to get a job at Six Flags and he looked at me like I was crazy and asked me wasn’t I too young to work? (I was 14 and looking for my own money to spend)

My Grandfather is one I wouldn’t trade for anything! Though some may not know him to be so, he is actually very funny and sweet. As grandchildren, I feel like we have a special connection and get the dirt that the children will never think to ask their parents. Over the years that I was working in high school and he was taking me from home to the salon, I heard those stories and I got that dirt. Some stories were funny and others I just couldn’t relate to because of the generational gap, but it was all good times nonetheless.

A lot of my peers aren’t able to say that their 70 year-old grandparents are moving around like they are much younger, but I can. He even said the other night when I called to wish him a Happy Birthday, that he has to remind himself that he isn’t as young, as do we, especially in the summer time. He even still thinks that girls are looking at him when he comes to pick me up from school. My Granddaddy is just one part of what makes up my heart. If one knows me, they will see quite a bit of him in me, including his youthful spirit.

Granddad I love you sooooooooo much and I am going to stop now because the eyes are getting quite watery.

Coming down the Jungle Gym Summer'09

This is the best song I can find to describe even an ounce of the love I feel for my Grandfather.

About this Kerry Washington Cover!

When it was announced that Kerry Washington was covering the November issue of Essence, I have to admit that I was excited. Not so much because of whose beautiful face was gracing the cover, but because of how she was gracing it. Like only she can. She also rocks and did I say she rocks a head full of lush black curls that covers almost the entire top section of the cover. I am a new natural and for me to see that in the middle of this transition was so beautiful to me. Now I know that I see natural heads and big beautiful curls all day, every day, but for someone who is on television and the silver screen, Starring in major roles to take this hair on and embrace it was something that made me smile and my heart did the same thing.

Since the picture of the cover has surfaced, so did the negative comments toward not only the magazine, but also toward Kerry. Though everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, I have to admit that I was taken back by some of the negative, snide and almost hateful comments from those whose skin looks like mine. These comments were coming from those going through the same transition that I am currently embarking on with my hair. Kerry rocked that beautiful mane, of curls because she says it was apart of her. Others didn’t see it like that, when they suggested that Kerry couldn’t be embracing something that she doesn’t rock. “She has on a wig. How is that embracing what is you?” and there were many more comments to follow. But what many fail to realize is that Ms. Washington rocks a lot of weave, so when was that last time we actually saw her hair?

Weave look

Save the Last Dance was the last time we saw Kerry’s hair and when we saw it, what was looking back at us? Yep. you guessed it, a head full of natural curls. So how can we honestly say that she doesn’t have natural curls. She just seems to have taken on what most Hollywood women have and that is the straightening comb. Rocking weave and straighting their hair, like Queen Latifah.

Save the Last Dance Kerry

Though most can tell that Kerry still rocks her natural texture under her weave and under these extensions, because it definitely doesn’t look like a wig, that shouldn’t have been everyone’s main focus. What this cover is saying for us as a people is what should have triggered the most important thoughts.

Please stop it people. Start loving yourself and your negativity will never get the best of you. This is something that we should have embraced with open arms. It should be the others that are doing the talking. Yes, it still hurts, but that stab is so much deeper and stays a lot longer when it comes from those that look like you.